Caring, Openness, Honesty and Respect
The Abbeyfield values that underpin our care are constant. They can be reaffirmed from experience over time. Reflecting upon ‘Care’, I have asked myself fundamental questions about my own response to need wherever I come across it.
What is there to say about care that is original? The originality only comes from our own experience. From those experiences of care (those that make me cry) has come the reality that there is no ‘ordinary person in the street’. In my time I believe that everyone is special; good or bad, rich, poor, young or older, all unique. When we know somebody really cares for us it is very moving.
It is from this experience and standpoint that my own care flows. In the last ‘Thought’ I described Paul McCartney visiting the older lady ‘Eleanor Rigby’ – giving her time. On this occasion it is the singer Gregory Porter (the singer who wears the black Kangol Summer Spitfire head gear and beard that covers post operative scars) singing his story of ‘No love dying here’. He speaks of tear-inducing selfless care. In the lyric he buys three flowers and the old lady vendor gives him four for the same price of three.
In Jenny Kartupelis’s research for Abbeyfield in recent times, ‘Care’ is described. “Care is about listening, accepting, giving back of oneself in such a way that both people feel more understood or fulfilled than either was at the outset of the interaction. Viewed in this way, it can be seen that older people in ‘care’ can give, and that those with them who are younger and more physically able can receive.”
There is nothing like sharing care with a friend, relative or stranger who is unwell or needing companionship. It concentrates the mind on the detail and importance of responding to everyday needs! This has been so prevalent in recent times of individual and community responses to the Covid pandemic.
In Hospital, Home, Hospice or other Community care settings an individual’s own space is so important. In our caring it is so important that someone’s own space is treated as ‘holy ground’. Also, that on first meeting it is vital that we discern what a person likes to be called. A person’s name and holy space begin the start of relational care for however long that may be.
Jenny Kartupelis puts listening as the first prerequisite for care. I worked with one of our Abbeyfield apprentices around the 60th Anniversary of the founding of our Society. We interviewed six residents about where they were 60 years before. It was very revealing. We had an hour together with each person. They had done their homework. With their permission their personal stories were published for the other residents to share. It stimulated so many conversations. What it certainly revealed was how little they knew about each other. Absolutely amazing stories of work and social change and aspirations for the future. One gentleman had experienced first hand the antics of the ‘Peaky Blinders’ era. It stimulated ongoing conversations and interactions and shared interests. So many gifts were uncovered and refound.
From the early days of Abbeyfield, staff have welcomed and inducted new residents, establishing a pen picture of individual gifts, interests and experience of life. I did the same in gathering the background and the interests of our founder Richard Carr-Gomm in the publication ’60 things about our Founder’ during discussion of memories with his family. It revealed his attachment to Uganda, enjoying chicken curry and watching ‘Dad’s Army’. He was 6’2” tall and had size 12 feet and his beard covered a much scarred chin from his second world war time service as a tank commander. He loved making fudge and had an abiding love for cricket. Port or ginger beer were his favourite tipples. He loved singing and encouraged live music in the early days of the development of the houses – old pub songs a speciality. He captured many photos within his passion for photography.
Above all he had a great gift for making friendships. That is, he knew how important growing relationships with those around him were to the enrichment of individuals and community life. This led to another central core of care which is the opportunity for celebration. It gives a broader perspective to life, sadness or loneliness and also the glory of contributing gifts for the creative good of others in the community where we live. The Queen’s Platinum Jubilee celebrations are something he would have relished having served her Majesty as an officer in the Coldstream Guards, post war, in peace time, at Buckingham Palace.
Also, the seasons and richness of our faith calendars are such a rich oasis for celebration and mutual care outside of ourselves. Jenny Kartupelis essences the care of a common life in this way. “When two older people interacting can experience two-way care through conversation, listening and performing small acts of kindness that are normal to the human condition. This need not be demanding or sacrificial, but simply part of common life. Emotional and physical security is of prime importance to older people.”
Social, community care of any sort is a vital vocation and should be supported. encouraged and valued as such. At its best it always enriches lives. No love dying here, but thrives wherever it is found in daily kindnesses.
To be continued…
Edward
Canon Edward Pogmore
Notes:-
1. ‘Developing a Relational Model of Care for Older People’ – Creating Environments for Shared Living by Jenny Kartupelis and James Woodward, Jessica Kingsley Publications, 2018
2. ‘60 Facts about our Founder, Richard Carr-Gomm, in our 60th year, Published by the Abbeyfield Society, 2017
3. ‘No Love Dying’ by Gregory Porter, 2014.