Greetings everyone. It is a pleasure to be asked to write a series of blogs reflecting upon the ‘essence’ of Abbeyfield.
Whatever our connections with Abbeyfield, recent or ‘maturing nicely’, we all have the opportunity to be ambassadors for our family Society…
Caring, Openness, Honesty and Respect
Honesty
"Now we travel from the last blog about Openness…which brings us to the value of Honesty. We have the possibility of talking to blackbirds and now to our plants. Apparently, the oxygen of speech does plants the world of good. The plant ‘Honesty’ (Brasicacea) has those lovely translucent leaves when it comes to the end of its flowering life. There are many people in their years of maturity who are very open about life as they see it. They reveal to us, with no frills exactly what they feel about a subject and why. You can see them in a new light which shines through like sunlight through the Honesty flower.
"The greatest honesty I have ever come across is during conversations with those who have been facing the possibility of a life threatening disease and their families and friends. After facing shock, trauma and ongoing uncertainty life itself then takes on a new urgency and importance. Smaller things take on a new vibrancy and friendships can reveal a new importance when we feel vulnerable and see the preciousness of life itself. Many everyday taken for granted things are no longer taken for granted.
"‘Honesty is the best policy’ is an often quoted line. I heard it in the fim series “Anne with an E’ spoken by Anne Shirley Cuthbert of ‘Anne of Green Gables. Set in Eastern Canada, Prince Edward Island, Anne, had absented herself from her village school at ‘Avonlea’, because of bullying and had not let on to her adoptive parents, brother and sister Merilla and Matthew for many days. The local Minister was called and he verbally scolded the very bright 12 year old with the honesty quote. Anne very quickly said ‘Honesty is not actually a policy…is a lie of omission really a lie?’
"In this day it is thought that Anne would be diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit hyperactivity Disorder) where her attention span is fleeting but her application of analysis never ceases. She was what used to be described as ‘unusual’. (1)
"Many people are reticent to express how they feel, in all honesty, because of the buffeting of life experiences. However, they have some thing to offer and their words are very often worth waiting for! Many do not want to hurt those close to them or to become a burden. The honesty of the truth of the matter can lift an enormous burden when it is shared. Yes, life might become more complex, but sharing the future with those who can share the honesty of reality is mostly a relief. This is very often the case in admitting addiction and other life crises.
"The art of writing a reference for somebody more often than not has a category about the person’s honesty. The dictionary definition of Honesty gives examples like ‘…telling the truth or able to be trusted and not likely to steal, cheat or lie…(2)‘To give an honest answer’ is something that we may ask or be asked along the way.
"When brain storming this piece it took me back and forward. Back to my early influential playlists and what my playlist might be in the future. What will the individual playlists of the Abbeyfield Sheltered Accommodation and Care Homes be in the future?
"The brainstorming inevitably goes back to the 1960’s and 70’s of my youth. ‘Honesty’ lines came up with the Lynsey de Paul song of 1975 ‘Yes, Honestly’, that goes on, ‘I’ll give you a guarantee…’ She started her working life as a cartoonist and artist. Her name of birth was Lynsey Ruben. At the time of writing this piece the European Championships have been on from Munich. I remember the time so well when 11 Israeli athletes were murdered during those Games in 1975. Lynsey de Paul gave a very honest interview when questioned about her change of name. She explained that after those tragic Games it was felt wise not to have a Jewish name as her performing name. Honest and sad with an ongoing legacy of many varied songs for herself and others and coming 2nd in the Eurovision song contest in 1975 with a song ‘Rock Bottom’ with Mike Moran. (3)
"A guarantee of honesty is like other values – tough to live up to.
"Our founder Richard Carr-Gomm was extremely honest about the early days of Abbeyfield and the other charities he founded. He paid the price for his honesty when he was fired from his own Board. Very often it is further along the line when honesty has the courage to be revealed to a wider audience. In fact his last Autobiography was called ‘All things considered…’.
"He describes a time of change and challenge. He was straight talking about his life and faith, ‘The forces of good and evil, right and wrong”….’ By being too black and white, I often exasperated those trying to sort them out’ …’I forget, I tell white lies and can behave badly. I am frequently impatient and thoughtless but I do trust and rely on people – I believe them and expect them to keep their word and am, therefore, often disillusioned. Despite and because of relying upon people – and believe them while knowing the futility of doing so, I am certain that if I didn’t have a religious faith, belief and trust in God, and if I didn’t know that He is the only consistent factor for good in everything, I would have given up and retreated from all our work.’ He was honest about being open on mental health which has become so high profile in recent times.
"The vision our founder shared was that ‘Loneliness’, in all its guises and in all ages needed an antidote. He was able to be honest about the challenges, but also about the ideas to relieve the scourge of lack of opportunity to build supportive relationships in residents and staff members alike and therefore overcome Loneliness. Out of interest in 2004 the average of entry into Abbeyfield houses was 81 years. In the other charities that he founded the average age of entry was about 36 (i.e. the Carr-Gomm Society and Morpeth Societies). (4)
"The flower ‘Honesty’ is from the Cabbage and Mustard family. Their flower colour is purple and white. From our own experiences in Abbeyfield we can describe the tough difficult times of purple learning. We can also see the potential to honestly ‘cut the mustard’ therefore making a difference to the quality of people’s lives. Let the leaves of service shine through and reveal honesty in all its glory."
To be continued…
Canon Edward Pogmore
Notes:-
(1) Film ‘Anne with an E’, Netflix, 2017 - 2019
(2) Definition of Honesty, Cambridge University Dictionary
(3) Lynsey de Paul, Wikipedia +
(4)‘All Things Considered’ by Richard Carr-Gomm, Published by Trafford Publishing 2005, p 249